My life's searching
by im-your-genie
Summary: I didn't know what happiness means. This is what I've been seeking my whole life.. I continued my journey until I met her... The girl who brought me real happiness. ONESHOT! NxM


**DISCLAIMER:** I do not own Gakuen Alice.

J: This is my second one shot.. DEDICATED TO SHAIRA MAE.......!! :)) Oh and this is entirely in Natsume's POV.

**My life's searching…**

_im-your-genie_

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_I've been searching for something for a very long time. It was something that I believe everyone except me has.

At first, I didn't believe that it existed, that it was just a piece of shit invented by people around me. But it wasn't… as I grew up, I felt that there's something missing… that there's something that I should seek for.

They say if you look for something, you'll never find it... I never believed in this statement.

But after many years, I've grew tired of searching for this one very thing which they call _happiness._

I grew up from a very wealthy family. My father's a known businessman and he owns a lot of companies all over the world and my mother's a famous surgeon. I'm their only child so I'm always alone every single day. They seldom go home. My father's always on a business trip and my mother's no different. She's always being sent to other countries to perform complicated surgeries.

As a child, I didn't know what happiness is. I thought that if I have anything that I want, then I'll be happy… I'll be complete. But no, I wasn't happy at all. I didn't realize it until I reached high school. I forced my parents not to put me in home school anymore. Why? It's just that, I want to explore the world.

I've never had any playmates or friends except for the butlers and maids in our house. I met a lot of people but no one really gave me the real meaning of happiness. I never laughed with their corny jokes and I never talked to any of them. Why? They just want my money and my looks. How could that possibly give me pure bliss?

So school went on, I graduated from high school and college with no friends at all. I'm not a retard for not having friends. I don't like them so why would I be friends with them? You cannot be a friend to someone you don't like, it'll just make you one of them: the plastics.

Today's the 27th of November and it's my 21st birthday and again, my parents aren't here to celebrate it with me. I'm not feeling any miserable anymore because I'm already used to it… to celebrating my birthday alone, to spending every single day of my life without feeling my parents' presence. I've grew tired of waiting for them in my birthdays even though I already knew they wouldn't come. I've been living my whole life without even seeing my parents. I think I just see them twice or thrice a year. I never really felt that they support me in anything except financially.

So, I am celebrating my birthday alone in my room playing a certain song using the guitar until I heard really shocking news.

"Natsume-sama…"

"What do you want?" I asked her apathetically.

"Your parents… they died from a plane crash on their way back to Japan. They were supposed to surprise you today but then, the plane they were boarding malfunctioned and it crashed on a mountain. They were reported to be dead on arrival." She told me looking down. She's very fond of my parents. Though they seldom see each other, my parents are really kind to all our butlers and maids.

I accidentally dropped my guitar due to shock and I immediately rushed to the hospital only to see my parents' dead bodies. I never cried. Although I'm sad for their sudden death, I **never** showed any signs of sadness.

And even when they were being buried,

I didn't shed tears.

Months passed by so fast and I found myself wasting all the money that I inherited from my parents. I have many vices: I smoke, I drink, I travel to different places and etc. I never work.

Why was I doing these things?

The answer is simple: _**I was searching for happiness.**_

I thought that if I do all the things that a normal person do, then I'd be happy. It was like my thought when I was a kid… that I'd be happy when I have everything that I want. That thought never fades thinking that I haven't really found what I really wanted the most.

Years have passed and I haven't found it yet. Darn it. Why is it so hard searching for it?

I practically searched the whole world just for it but I failed.

I was on my way back to Japan and I was seated rather comfortably when someone tugged my arm. I glanced to the person who just broke the serenity I'm feeling.

"Yes?" I calmly answered.

"Uhm, I really don't like boarding a plane alone and it bores me to death when I'm on my own. Can we talk or something? I don't want to die because of boredom." She flashed me with a beautiful smile. It's not a flirtatious one like what the other girls always give me. It was a genuine smile… a smile I haven't seen to others except for my parents. I was amused that she had the guts to talk to a complete stranger just because she's bored to death. What kind of person is she? Didn't she think that I might be a bad person? Tch. She's an idiot, that's for sure.

"Okay. So what do you want to talk about?" I asked her rather nicely. Hey, I could be quite nice at times.

"Hmm… I have nothing yet in mind. By the way, to let you be informed of who you are talking to, I am Mikan Sakura. You can call me Mikan. " She again showed me a bright smile while giving me a handshake.

"I'm Natsume Hyuuga."

"Oh, that's a nice name you got there. Uhm, can I call you Natsume?"

"Do as you please."

"Okay! So Natsume, what were you doing in America?" she asked me cheerfully. She's really something. Being able to act like that in front of a stranger is unusual especially for a girl like her.

"Nothing, I'm just exploring the world, you?" somehow, I can see that she didn't get the deeper meaning into my statement and that's my intention. I don't want to talk about myself and my problems.

"Me? I'm just looking for work. I need money so badly. I need to pay for a lot of things. I didn't finish college because well my parents died and we were very poor so what they left to me was their debts. But even though, it was okay with me because I lived a happy life with them. It was sad they couldn't spend the rest of their lives seeing me happily married to someone I like though." I never expected her to be this transparent to me. I'm just a complete stranger yet she tells me her life's story as if we've known each other for a long time already.

"Well that was sad. But it's a good thing that you can manage. So you have someone you like eh? Tell me about him." I said to her in an encouraging manner.

"Oh, thank you for your encouragement. Well, I don't have someone I like yet but I'm not rushing myself to finding him. I believe that there's a perfect time for those kinds of things." She dreamily stated.

Our conversation lasted for about hours and I learned that she's just living in a small apartment which is about a mile or two away from my house. She told me about almost everything that she has experienced in life. All her struggles and everything but I didn't told her any of mine. I just answered some of her questions plainly but I never explained the details.

It was time for us to go our separate ways and I gave her my address. "Hey, come visit me anytime you like." I don't know why but _I really like to meet her again_ so I told her to visit me. "Sure. Take care Natsume."

"You too." With that, we went to our separate ways.

Two months has passed but she hasn't visited me even once. That was until I heard the doorbell rang. I was busy drinking a can of beer when the maid opened the door only to reveal my guest.

It's **Mikan**.

"Hey." I said.

"Hello Natsume, I never thought that you would be this rich… I'm so nothing compared to you. So how are you?"

"I'm okay, I guess. How about you? And you shouldn't mind about these things."

"Oh I see, well I'm okay. I'm still looking for a job, unfortunately. Oh yeah, I don't mind about them. It just bothers me why you didn't tell me you were rich. Now I'm ashamed of telling you how poor I am."

"Don't be ashamed of what you are. Here, do you want to drink?" I offered her a beer.

"Thanks but no thanks, I don't drink." A girl almost the same age as me who doesn't drink, a rare one… I knew a lot of girls even younger than her who drinks hard and it surprised me to know that she doesn't drink even a bit.

"Oh I see, well are you hungry or anything? Just ask the maids to get food for you." I said to her. What the hell. Why am I being so kind to her? I guess it's just that I find her very different. She's someone anyone would be fond of.

"No thanks, I just ate." She bluntly stated. We had another conversation which lasted for about hours and we didn't notice that it's already eight in the evening.

"Hey, do you want to go somewhere?" I asked her.

"Hmm. Okay, where might that be?" she curiously asked me.

"Somewhere… let's go then." I pulled her hand and dragged her to my car. I opened the passenger seat and tucked her inside. She didn't complain to me pulling and dragging her. I entered the driver's seat and drove away to the nearest beach I know. It's a beach where no one except me goes. Of course I own this so I don't allow anyone to go in except when they're with me. I never brought anyone even the whores I've slept with here.

"Hey Natsume, where are we going?" she asked me again.

"I told you we're going somewhere... a place that no one except me has ever been." I told her. It's better to state the fact.

"Oh, is it beautiful there?"

"Yes it is. It's my favorite place to hang out." I answered her.

Thirty minutes passed and we arrived to the small beach.

We went out of the car and she was awed with the breathtaking sight. It's a white sand beach and there are Sakura trees. There's one cottage in the middle of the place which is made from bamboo.

The waves are gushing peacefully to the shore. She smiled very cheerfully before she removed her sandals and ran to the shore. She was like a kid playing in the water. Not long after, she pulled me with her to the water wetting my pants in the process.

I didn't complain. I just enjoyed the moment with her. Unknowingly, I **smiled**.

"Natsume, you smiled!" she told me rather amazed. "I did?" I asked her. I didn't know that I smiled. It was the first time that I smiled in ages. _So is this what they call happiness? It's a good feeling._ I can just do whatever I want. Tch. This girl… the one that I met in the plane… the one who tried befriending me without even trying to seduce me… she managed to give me what I was looking for.

"Yes you did. You have a nice smile." She said to me. She gave me another smile which took my breath away.

It was just now that I realized how beautiful she is.

Without noticing, I closed the gap between our lips. Her lips are so soft.

I had my eyes closed so I didn't see what her reaction was. All I know is that she isn't responding to my kiss. I gently placed my hands at her back and I felt her move her hands and placed it around my neck. Our kiss lasted for seconds when she we both decided to break it due to lack of air. Her eyes were stating that she is still in state of shock because of the kiss we just shared.

"I'm sorry." I whispered to her.

She tried to run away from me and I don't know the reason. I ran after her and as she reached the cottage, she locked it so that I can't enter. I heard her sob. What the hell? I didn't mean to make her cry.

"Sorry. I didn't know that what I did will make you cry." There was a long silence before she uttered something.

"It was just, you stole my first kiss. And I don't want to give my first kiss to anyone except to my future husband…" She wailed like a child. "-now I'm not going to get married!" So that's the reason behind her tears.

"I'm sorry. So will you please let me in?"

"No I don't want to. Go home if you want." Now she's sending me back home and she's staying here in my own beach! Tch.

"Do what you want." I stayed by the door and I felt sleepy. Not long after, my eyes fell and I was off to dreamland.

Morning came and I was surprised to see that I'm inside the cottage. I sat up and looked around only to find no trace of Mikan around. I went outside and searched for her but she can't be found anywhere.

Sigh. Where could she be? Maybe she went home already. I went to my car and drove home thinking of her. Is she really that upset to leave me alone? I said sorry already. Damn it. It would take a lifetime to force me to apologize and I did to her without being forced by anyone. And now she's not taking it? What the heck is her problem? It was just a kiss anyway.

A month has passed and she still hadn't come to visit nor email me. She's still angry to me, isn't she?

I went out for a stroll at the park when I saw her with someone… a guy to be exact. She is talking to him so happily and they were walking as if they were lovers.

Hmm, so she already has a boyfriend huh? Not that I really care or anything. I went home to eat breakfast and watched TV after.

The scene this morning still bugged me and _I don't know why_. It keeps on repeating in my head even though I tried so hard not to think about it. Do I like her? I probably do. But we haven't really known each other for that long so I guess it's just a small crush. Oh now I sound like a third grader. I know having crush is just for kids but I can't find a better word to describe what I'm feeling for her. Wait a sec, it's not just an infatuation… it's something more. Could it be that I love her? No… it can't possibly happen. I've known her for how long? 3 months? **It just isn't right.**

My thoughts were disturbed by a knock on the door. My butlers and maids had this day off so I'm on my own. I opened the door only to reveal Mikan with the guy I saw her with at the park. I felt hurt at the sight. Maybe I really do love her.

"What's up?" I asked her indifferently.

"Hi Natsume… it's been a while since we last saw each other."

"Yeah, I know."

"So how have you been?"

"I'm fine and can we just continue our talk inside? It's tiring to stand here at the door you know."

"Oh, sorry… by the way, this is Ruka Nogi… Ruka he's Natsume Hyuuga." She introduced the guy to me. He then shook my hand enthusiastically.

"So you're Natsume huh…" he merely stated. So he knows me huh? I wonder what Mikan told him. I noticed that Mikan elbowed him and he smiled in the process.

"Stop flirting in front of me. I don't like the sight."

"Oh someone's jealous eh?" Ruka stated mockingly.

"Tch. Why would I be jealous?"

"Uhm, Natsume? Where's the bathroom? I need to use it." Mikan interrupted my conversation with Ruka.

"Go there then turn to the right." I gave her the directions.

"Thanks NAtsume!"

"It seems that you like her." He told me.

"No, I don't like your girlfriend." With my statement being said, he broke into laughter.

"I can't believe you think that she's my girlfriend! HAHAHA! Believe me, we're just childhood friends. Hotaru is the name of my girlfriend. She's also our childhood friend."

"Really...?" I asked rather amused. "-so why aren't you with your girlfriend then?"

"She was sent to a business trip so she's not around. Also, she told me to accompany Mikan because knowing Mikan; she could really be stupid and be easily fooled by men. They could rape her there and then. That's why we're very protective of her." Tch. So her friends also view her as a stupid person.

"I see…" I muttered.

"She's been talking about you when she came back from America." So she's been telling her friends stuffs about me huh?

"Really…?" I asked him curiously. "What does she say about me?" I continued.

"Oh a lot of stuffs… she said that you were very secretive… that she hasn't seen you smile even a bit… she really would like to break the shell of yours… she wants to see what you truly are." He said in a serious manner.

So does this mean she likes me? Maybe…

Our conversation was interrupted when Mikan entered the room.

"Hey." She said while smiling.

I don't know who she's talking to so I kept my mouth shut.

"Hey, look at the time. Mikan, I've got to get going. I have to work today. See you later. And Natsume, could you take her home? Thanks." Ruka then bid goodbye to the two of us and now, we're all alone.

"I heard that you've been talking about me with your friends eh?" I asked her in a teasing way.

"What? No! I mean yes! I just told them that I met you in the airport, that's all." She said trying to sound convincing.

"Is that all?" I teased her some more.

"I told them that I like you." She covered her mouth upon saying that statement. I was shocked to hear those words coming from her.

"Oh my God… forget what I said." Not wasting the chance to profess what I feel for her, I hugged her tight.

"You know, I like you too… baka." I can feel her hug me back. I was so damn happy when she did that. I looked into her eyes and I saw that she's very happy.

"I know it may be too soon but we could give it a try. Mikan, would you be my girlfriend?" she didn't moved or responded to my statement.

I thought that it's a sign of rejection so I let go of her. As I turned my back away from her, I hear her said.

"Of course Natsume, let's give it a try."

With her response, I turned around and gave her a kiss with pure passion and love.

_**And that's just the beginning of our story.**_

**END**

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**J: That's it! I'm thinking of a sequel... But I think it's better this way already..


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